Walmart Bingo

Last week I had the awesome opportunity to do some research at a Walmart. (Long story) Although there are many things I could say about that experience, I’ve decided that it would be much more fun to tell you about the people watching. I might compare some of my observations to something you would witness at an airport, although the descriptions are not so varied and more likely something you’d witness at the fair. That said, enjoy these descriptions of some of my favorites.
1. Wacky Tabacky: It’s no surprise that most people do not get dressed up to run to their local Walmart, however, putting on a pair of pants and shoes, should be a necessity. I watched this woman walk into the store, who went above and beyond the “not dressed” up genre to lead a category of her own. She was wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. Both clothing items were alarmingly too small and couldn’t have harbored another inch if their life depended on it, however that was not the highlight. She decided to forgo wearing a bra that day and I can only guess it was to show off her strategically placed tattoo. Tucked inside of the bra portion of her tank top was a curiously shaped container that could have only been tobacco or Bubble Tape. My guess is that it probably wasn't the later. My curiosity overtook me and I couldn't help but wonder what else she was keeping in there. Heaven knows she didn't have pockets and wasn't carrying a purse, so there might have been some loose change rolling around in there. I wish I were at the checkout stand when her total rang up. So gross! But hysterical!
2. Howdy Cowgirl: I guess I would consider myself a cow girl in some respects, but apparently I missed the most recent memo of the cow girl club because this new style was unknown to me. I watched another woman walk by wearing the most bizarre combination of clothing items, that I wouldn't have considered an option for anyone other than a foreign exchange student. However, this woman had on a pair of baggy jeans that resembled parachute pants (Oh come on, I know you remember MC Hammer) and tucked them into her cowboy boots. I can tell that you're probably thinking, "Who Cares" but that wasn't the greatest part. On top of half of the boots/half of the pants were fuchsia leg warmers that matched the bow in her hair and the trendy fanny pack at her waste. No joke, I'm not even making this crap up.
3: ZZ Top is alive and well: and in case you were wondering, you can find the band members at Walmart. After watching numerous band look alikes walk by, I considered chasing them down and requesting a photo, or more likely me taking a picture of them with my phone so that I could show all of you that they really do exist, their hair is still growing, and they reside in West Valley.
4. Girl Pants/ Peg-legged Pants: What happened to the happy medium between baggy pants that you generally see on guys that nearly always hang below their butt, and the spandex tight peg pants that ladies wear these days. Yes, I'm referring to the pants that actually fit your body, the ones that you love wearing because their comfortable, and don't cut off circulation... Well, I saw very few of those. Instead I was treated to witness a pair of spandex pleather capri pants walking alongside the girl pants that Mr. Boyfriend had on. From the back I had a very hard time distinguishing between which gender was which, So I'm guessing they either share clothes, or haven't yet learned how to use cold water with their laundry.
I guess I could go on for quite some time like this, but I'm hoping you get the picture. And if you ever have a dull afternoon and need a few laughs, just head to Walmart and start paying attention to the people around you.