Day 21- Nobody likes the dentist

I LOATHE going to the dentist. Perhaps the following story will explain why. I know it's long, but hang in there.

We switched insurance companies, and ended up with a new dentist. After filling out the normal paperwork, I was called to the back. I like to think of this as the dungeon (aka torture room)where they asked me to sit in the torture chair where they could try new torture procedures that would be paid for by our insurance company. Surprisingly they do not have straps to lock you down. Instead they threaten your gums with drills and such... Moving on.
Since I hadn't been seen here previously, they wanted to start with some x-rays. Super. The tech comes over with these rather LARGE winged thingies that gag me and make me want to vomit. She wants me to clamp down on them while she strolls into the room next door to push the button that takes the Xray. I make it through 4 Xrays (barely)when she comes walking in with this cylindrical contraption that resembles a part on a car. Now comes the drama. I can barely handle the extremely large winged thingies. I didn't exactly know what their intentions were for the car parts, but I have a mechanic. Apparently my Xrays were not yet done. Yeah.... They wanted to take some more of the top and bottom of my teeth. This requires me to bite down on this awkward metal thing that is filling my entire mouth and making me quite uncomfortable. I know that this probably took a total of 3 minutes, but on the last one, I wasn't doing so hot. The tech looks at me and says, "you don't look so good, are you okay? (of course, I cannot answer, large metal car part contraption in my mouth) so she says, I'll hurry." She comes back and quickly takes the thing out. (to my relief) I followed up by saying, "I'm fine, but my gagger is not to fond of that contraption. Let's not do that again."
Next comes the cleaning. This is somewhat embarrassing, but I'd like to preface this by saying that although I'm not the worlds best flosser, I do take care of my teeth and brush like I should. So, I open up and the dental hygienest comments something along the line of "Wow! I should have worked out before coming in to work on your teeth. You're going to be here awhile." Um, hello! My teeth are clean and white. The poking and prodding soon followed. She started using this ultrasonic scraper deal that made my teeth vibrate and gave me a headache, not to mention kept me extremely aware of where my tongue was. I tried to keep it as far away from that thing as possible. Occasionally she would say things like, "oh, if you'd flossed, I wouldn't have to scrape so hard." "Sorry, it's hurting, this is going to bleed for awhile." Good grief. What was she doing in there?!?! Now, at this point, I was seriously wondering what they do to people with serious problems because I was beginning to feel as if I'd completely neglected dental care for my previous 27 years. Soon after, she told me she wanted to check my "pockets". I had no idea what she wanted and was slightly alarmed at the prospect of being frisked in the torture chair. Instead, she wanted to poke my gums with a sharp ruler thing to measure my pocket depth (This has nothing to do with how much money I have, mind you). Apparently the teeth cleaning part was not enough. Torture ensued because I'd already been humiliated at my "lack of proper dental care" (aka, I don't floss like I should. Give me a break!) Now, we're going to put the fiery fear of living in hell in my little naive head. She explained that the ruler should measure a 3. Thankfully, most of mine did, however, there were a few 4's in there, and you'd have thought that the Earth were going to stand still. Apparently, my lack of flossing would destine me to eternal periodontal disease. She even used a model of some one's impressions that they rigged for the fear factor. (following the death threat in the torture chair, I learned that the "ruler scale" actually goes from 1-10. So if 3 is normal, how bad could 4 really be?
I left the chair and headed to the waiting room. I could hear Beau being tortured in the room next to mine, and thought it only fair since I had to endure it. Lucky for us, we both get to return next week to have a cavity filled. JOY! Maybe next year I can just give them money and save myself the hassle of being tortured.
Random, has anyone seen the Little Shop of Horrors? Remember the dentist scene? Good times!